About promises and priorities

Keeping new year's promises has never really been my virtue. I have promised not to fall for ice hockey players (back in 1990's. Figure skater syndrome) - FAIL until 2001. I have promised to quit eating chocolate - FAIL (permanently). I have promised to exercise throwing a ball as much as it takes to get the "natural" wrist pronation to help me with tennis serve - FAIL. I have promised if I ever have kids I will let them throw people with snowballs for them to learn the right throwing technique so if they start to play tennis they won't be struggling with serve and losing games because of double faults - N/A. I have promised to have a bi-weekly non-alcoholic Tuesday during 2010 - FAIL by accident in March 2010. Just to mention few.

I think I might have a problem with promises, I have been told I do. Not meaning New year's promises here...although with the track record listed you might see a problem with those also. Last autumn I ended up having a conversation about this with Anne (not my mom Anne). Anne is a brilliant woman (my mom is too). She has been my official support for the past 9 months and I owe her big time for being here now about to make my dream come true. She's my once a month mirror who is not letting me get away with myself easily. Anyways, we were talking about the anatomy of promises.

Anne: How do you see promises?

Ansku: Well first of all there are two kinds of promises, ones made for others and ones for yourself.

Anne: Do you see that promises made to others are somewhat different from those made to yourself?

Ansku: Of course, the promises made to others are of priority! I also think it's easier to keep promises to others than it is to yourself.

Anne: Why?

Ansku: Because in my opinion it's more important not to let your friends down. You know, others first then yourself to make sure people around you are safe and sound.  I have actually said that the purpose of my life is to take care of other people and I really am in a wrong job with the type of work I do today *bright eyes and a smile. End of conversation isn't it?*

Anne: What about you? Who do you think is responsible for your wellbeing and you getting what you need?

Ansku: I am...I just think it's less important...

Anne: Why?

Ansku: Because...ööööööhhh...shitshitfuckfuck...you got me! *smile*

So there it was violently in my face, a big lesson about myself. So, I made a promise (see, again, I have thing with this) to learn(!) to take care of the fact that I keep myself, my promises to self and my wellbeing as a priority in life - I promised to take care of Ansku because otherwise I am of no help for anyone. Both of the mentioned things go way beyond the anatomy of promises, I think those go to the very core of being you and living your life. I could quote my friend Laura here "there is a reason why in the airplane you are advised to put the oxygen mask first to yourself and only after that assisting others". To the point. Priceless.

From this master piece of Ahaa!-experience in October 2010 jumping couple of months forward to new year's eve in Barcelona. There I was, with my dear friends Aki and Elisa in their beautiful home @ de Valencia con Rocafort where I felt so warmly welcomed to. I had just failed to eat one grape per last 12 seconds of the year (a weird Spanish tradition idd), mouth filled with half eaten grapes, tears falling (because the turning of the year was somewhat emotional) I declared that next year this time I will not be crying and I want to move to a country where wines, avocados and hot surfer boys are not imported. Period *Please give me tissues to wipe my tears and let the party continue* I think no one took this seriously, or more so anything I said during the best new year's party of my life (thanks all) yet only 3 months later I had signed a contract with Accenture Australia and submitted my 457 visa application. Tadaa!

Although I joke about it I am not saying all this has happened just because of my mixed feelings-drunken-cryish-new-years-promise to have a  big change. I have been dreaming of doing something like this for ages, have just missed the guts to really act on it. I have missed being the priority to make it happen. Right now and here it is easy to say that things in life happen for a reason. The good ones and the ones that hurt. Literally speaking I am not really sure if things happen for a reason or if those things just force you to take a closer look about your life, your values and the choices you have and pick the one that feels right (emphasis on feels). Anyways, I see a lot of pieces in the puzzle finding their place. There is a great mix of consequences, people, right timing and personal energy to make this real. And most of it I owe for the great people in my life. With the love and support I've been receiving (always thankful) it is quite easy to be a little adventurous and brave. I need to be adventurous to follow my heart and find out why I am so restless here. I need to be brave to live up to the promises I made. And most importantly I am learning...learning to BE.

Love,

//Ansku

PS: This is published from my moving box fortress and my keyboard getting slightly wet with tears...out of pure gratitude <3