While I am writing this I am somewhere between Frankfurt and Singapore. Closer to Singapore though. I have 2 seats for my use (pulled out the hand injury card and got excellent seats, something good out of useless thumb) and just woke up after 4 hours of sleep which is my all time record during a flight and am enjoying excellent service of Singapore Airlines. At the moment I am listening to Diego Garcia, feel good music that makes me feel light. Typing is quite slow as loosing right thumb out of my 8 finger-typing-system makes me paralyzed to write with four instead of seven. But I have time, lots of it.
I started my trip from Helsinki about 15 hours ago. I felt totally surreal and numb. Numb because of all the goodbyes (or not really goodbyes but see you instead). My last week in Finland was pretty exhausting; I was living like it was the last week of my life. Met a lot of people, spend time with nearest and dearest and tried to capture everything inside my heart & head to carry with me. Not to forget all the packing. The upcoming move to OZ finally sink in last Thursday and I fell into the ”lopullisuuden perätila” (sorry, does not really translate). I felt I am leaving things for good/permanently/forever although I am not. I slightly flipped and panicked. Sometimes I wish I was less emotional…you know, for the sake of keeping things in context. I think I need a lamplighter (like in The Little Prince) to help me keep the lights on.
And no news here, I have cried a lot. A lot lot. I have been in an emotional roller coaster of pre-missing things & people and excitement of the new spiced with the minor fear of the unknown. My eyes are tired of crying. I have also hugged a lot. A lot lot. A lot even with my standards. The hugs of goodbyes (or not really goodbyes but see you instead) are exceptional. They were exceptionally long and emotionally packed. They were the "last" moments (see, this is what I mean with lopullisuuden perätila) of saying f2f how much the person means to you. Saying I love you and take care and I love you again. I had prepared that leaving little people was the worse but really it was leaving my brother. He said ”Bye dear little sister, love you, will miss you, take care, enjoy your trip....a long one...and see you in a year”. I crashed and realized I'm not able to see him and his family for a year. I need to manage at least until next summer to enjoy the traditional Sundays at their place, playing with little people and getting the only warm meal of my week. Buu.
Dad took me to airport. He is super calm and rational. He makes sure I do not get too dramatic. Before departure to long-haul flights I always get this fear of flying. No exception here, I got afraid the plane will crash. My dad is a pilot and I am secretly pre-afraid of flying. No idea why. With dad I can fuel in safety. He reminds me about statistics, ensures me the airline I am flying with is a good one and the aircraft too. We have had this conversation tons of times. And tons of times he has explained how airplanes really stay in the air...the thingy of different pressures between upper and lower part of the wings. And I still don’t get it. I think my dad is slightly ashamed; his daughter has an academic degree and does not understand how the concept of airplanes works. *Blond*. But luckily my fear always vanishes when I get onboard. Then I actually enjoy flying and feel safe, even with turbulence, like now.
Now I am in between countries, I belong nowhere. I am also homeless, half-way with my 30 hour transit period and smiling J I think it is good I need to travel 30h to my destination. It gives me enough time to digest what is happening and time to settle for the fact that I am taking a lot of distance and entering into a new period of my life. I love the time I have. Love my little space of two seats and the opportunity to read, write, sleep, eat and enjoy good music. So far I have had Jenni Vartiainen, Adele and Diego Garcia on repeat, my official power music with good emotional stamps. Stamps that make me smile. Seili.
I also have two books with me. Eat, Pray, Love and Lonely Planet for Queensland and the Great Barrier Reef. Eat, Pray, Love just in case I start to lose faith on the way and no fellow passenger is a) talking to me b) thinking it's awesome that I am moving to Australia. I read the book couple of months ago and it resonated. It’s full of clichés and the movie sucks (except Javier Bardem, movie is worth watching if he’s in it) but the book resonates. I am Liz. I haven’t needed the book yet because my faith is solid and the Swedish girl sitting next to me (she’s going to Bali and planning to learn to surf) thinks Australia is the coolest place on earth and I will enjoy my life to the max. Also ended up chatting with a guy @ Frankfurt airport and after hearing my plans he asked if he could please please please jump into my suitcase. I needed to say 'no' because my suitcase is already on the way, packed with my clothes and personal stuff and I have 20kg luggage limit with my tickets. Disappointed he was.
I got the Lonely Planet just before my departure. On Tuesday morning I had “last breakfast” with my dear girls (thanks Anti for throwing me back to the lopullisuuden perätila ;) ) @ Tin Tin Tango. At some point I told Katri I haven’t read a single guide book about Australia. So she came for a surprise visit and bought me the book. Guide to Queensland AND the Great Barrier Reef because I have on my to-do list to go scuba diving. The foreword heading of the book is “Destination Queensland”. It says I am on my way to a paradise. Not bad. I think I better start studying…with the breakfast they are now starting to serve.
Half the way and smiling :)
//Ansku
PS: This is published from my hotel room after 4 hours of idle time in Singapore, 8 hours flight from Singapore to Brisbane, much needed 3 hour nap that accidentally extended to 5 hour nap and meeting up with dear Kaija. I am on my bed watching Kung Fu Panda and eating home-made cinnamon buns Kaija brought me. All is good.
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